She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
