oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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