no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we made out on top of his cat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
