No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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