I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
