my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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