i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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