Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
