Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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