I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Couch. On fire.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
