She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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