he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
