I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
