Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
