dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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