I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
