I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
