To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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