Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
