Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
