His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Text me some of your sweat
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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