What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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