Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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