is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love you.
Bad choice
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
