I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
