I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
