I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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