just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
