i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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