I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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