i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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