dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
