It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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