I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Pants are for mortals
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
