My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
