I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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