My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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