i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
