i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
