i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
