At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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