i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
