last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just gift wrapped bread.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
