I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
