we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
