I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
