I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
