i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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