This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
