you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
