at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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