She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
