Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
