His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
